Script

Introduction

Host1: Good evening and welcome to BBC news not at 10
Host2: Your nightly form of entertainment, every weekday at 11pm
Host1: With your hosts Mia Gibbs
Host2: And Daniel Woodburn
Host1: Alright can we give up the posh voices now?
Host2: Well you can i think your forgetting i'm natural to this lifestyle
Host1: And you ended up with a job like this? Yeah, a real natural
Host2: You do just know how to flatter me don't you (laughter) Anyway coming up tonight we have a wide range of guests such as President Trump himself to talk about the current tension between Mexico and the USA.
Host1: Yeah, thanks to him. And don't forget that you's at home enjoying your Friday evening and not stuck with this pompous prick (hey), can get involved as well. By simply texting "call" to 81199 or visit our website BBC.co.uk/news not at 10 for a chance to be featured on the show.

Segment 1

Host2: So our first story tonight, a large topic of conversation around the cleaning of your eggplants
Host1: Sound like a topic you need to listen on Daniel 
Host2: I have you know my eggplants are in pristine condition Gibbs. 
Host1: A new virus has been discovered originating in Alabama (sweet home Alabama) now rapidly spreading throughout the USA
Host2: Its said to imbed itself under the thick skin of the eggplant and feast on its contents.
Host1: Sounds rather appealing doesn't it 
Host2: it really does, so listeners you've been informed, make sure you keep your eggplants clean, and don't shag your cousin
Host1: Shit, like, why didn't you tell me that?
Host2: Seriously Mia, i don't expect anything less
Host1: (laughing) Alright there was no need for that comment

Segment 2 (cut out)

Host2: Next up tonight, a lion was released on a Pakistani man who requested higher wages 

Host1: I go to my manager every week demanding a rise, I hope she doesn’t have a lion waiting on me.  

Host2: luckily this wouldn’t happen in such a stable, powerful country, which is not on the verge of economical corruption

Host1: Can i just say (shouting) sorry Karen I’m happy with my wages (whisper) bitch

Host2: Rafique, the victim of the horrific attack didn’t even want to sue his employer

Host2: poor guy id sue the shit out of the BBC, get myself a boob job

(laughter)

Host1: He is making a slow but steady recovery and now studying as a zoo keeper Now that’s really a way to tame your problems

Host1: are you joking?

Host2: What? (laughing)

Segment 3

Host2: Now time for our special guest as promised, probably the most hated man world wide
Host1: you mean more hated then the Tesco self service checkouts? (unexpected item in bagging area)
Host2: Wish i heard that sound when i met my wife, would've made her go on the pill
Host1: Wow lovely comment from you Daniel bet your kids are your biggest fans
Host2: actually i'm more of a fan of my girlfriend's kids
Host1: okay i'm going to cut you of right there
Host2: Wish the doctor gave me that option before i had kids
Host1: (laughing) Okay our Guest is ready, just a warning the connection isn’t all that great so he may not sound like himself. Welcome and hello Mr trump.

Guest: Good evening and hello UK, its great to be on the show

Host1: Its great to have you here

Guest: I know, I know

Host2: So Mr Trump, what is your opinion on the close to home eggplant outbreak, I understand if your sensitive about the subject

Guest: Yes, it is very hard to get my head around, all of these healthy eggplants getting destroyed, it’s such a tragedy to the American eggplant bloodline

Host2: I would be absolutely traumatised if my eggplant got its contents feasted upon.

Host1: I can imagine, now we have some callers who are eager to ask you some questions Mr Trump

Guest: Sounds great, bring in your questions in

Host2: So our first caller is 19-year-old Abby, from London.

Caller1: Oh wow I can’t believe I actually got through

(laughter)

Caller1: Sorry, so Mr Trump, like with this whole eggplant epidemic yeah, how are you planning to resolve this thing, or are there no concrete plans?

Guest: Well we do have a concrete plan in mind, and that’s about 10 feet tall separating the US from Mexico, no me gusto

Caller1: Err, how’s that like going to resolve this situation?

Guest: The Mexicans cause everything, if I get everyone’s support throughout the US I can build this wall and save civilisation. Believe me its going to be huge

Caller1: oh okay so...

Guest: NEXT (Whispers) Clive make sure you get that girls number, she seemed interested.

Host2: oh, so our next caller is 42-year-old, Heather Sauder

Caller2: Hello Trump, firstly, I think your positon as president, should never have been given, you have encouraged absolute corrupt…

Guest: Now Miss, I take it, you need to primarily detail your issues, to the Mexican government, as your aware we are not on good terms, and I can not transfer these complaints to them myself.

Caller2: The Mexican government? This has nothing to do with Mexico

Guest: Now Miss

Caller2:Mrs

Guest: Now, any situation that people are unsatisfied with is always down to the Mexican

Host1: This is getting intense

Caller2: Your are a disgrace of a human, and I hope your power goes as shit as your fake tan

(Hangs up)

Host2: Was that aimed at me?

Host1:  Well, Mr Trump, id like to say thank you for coming on the show and enjoy the rest of your evening

Guest: I can imagine its been a pleasure for you, thank you for having me, and god bless America.